The search for a new MnSCU chancellor needs a little spicing up. Here's my two cents ...

So the search for a replacement for MnSCU Chancellor extraordinaire James McCormick has come down to two dudes. One's a VP from the U of M. The other's the higher ed commissioner in Utah. Both seem reasonably qualified, and I'm sure the system that gave me my degree would be more than admirably served either.

But as I scanned the qualifications of both, it struck me that what this system needs is a leader that will bring a wow factor to the position, someone with a NAME, someone whose mere presence will make the nation's higher ed community say, wtf?

So, without further adieu, and with all due respect to finalists Steven Rosenstone of the U and William Sederbug of Utah, I have come up with a list possible candidates who would, surely, take the system in a different direction.

1. Rush Limbaugh

Have you the latest flap about his impression of a Chinese accent? Priceless stuff, am I right? Another thoughtful moment in the life of the National Blowhard. But think about this: He's kind of a PR genius, and with this giant, steaming turd of a blunder still stinking up the national biffy, Rush is perfectly poised to parlay that attention into jobs at Fox News for all MnSCU graduates. The perfect guy to welcome the Chinese pilots to Mankato.

2. Ronald McDonald

Here's why I like this choice: Imagine the next MnSCU board meeting, where all the important men and women in their business suits and power ties are seated around the horseshoe table, and just when someone's about to second someone's approval of the minutes from the previous meeting, in busts Ronald, big red wig and all, and he's tossing cheeseburger and filet-o-fish sandwiches to all the board members, and here comes the hamburglar, depantsing the chair of the board, and there's grimace, mixing margarita's in the back by the coffee and doughnuts! Now that's what I call a meeting!

3. Hosni Mubarek

He seems available.







4. Rahm Emmanuel (or his cousin, Emmanuelle)

This might be my favorite choice. Why? Imagine the verbal row that would erupt the minute some lawmaker or governor tried telling MnSCU that it needed to "do more with less." Rahm'd be like, "Listen you mother (expletive deleted), how'd you like to take your (expletive deleted) budget cuts and shove 'em up your (expletive deleted)!!!" A real no-nonsense kind of chancellor, Rahm'd be.





5. Bruce Springsteen

Every meeting would begin with, "One, two, one-two-three-four!"








6. YouTube guy. Remember? The guy who told the home intruder, "We gonna find you!"

Dew rags will become mandatory for all college presidents, which would make the next convocation especially entertaining.

7. Brett Favre

Each year, we'd get to experience the unique thrill of never knowing if he'll be back. Plus, like Mubarek, he seems available.

8. Jig from the "Saw" franchise.


Any jokes would be tasteless at best. But he's real, real good at getting people to make dramatic cuts.

And I'm still pondering this. When I get my list complete, I'll forward it to the MnSCU board.